Chuck Lorre, aka Charlie Sheen’s nemesis, has been trying to make sense of the whole Tiger Blood, Winning, Shutdown, etceteras etceteras and so forth. Back when “Two And A Half Men” was on the air, he used the show’s vanity cards – the last few frames of the show, where he would often go on a long rant about whatever was on his mind. (Ironically, these same rants were often what sent Sheen over the edge.)
Now that “Two And A Half Men” is dark, Lorre turned to one of his other sitcoms on CBS, “The Big Bang Theory” to try and make sense of all the drama that’s in his life right now. The result is a long, occasionally sour stream of consciousness.
It reads:
Whenever I’ve gone through tough times, well-meaning people have told me that God/the universe does not give us more than we can handle. Well, I’ve been going through a tough time recently, and sure enough, that old saying has been tossed my way on several morose occasions. After some careful consideration, I’ve decided it’s bull$#*!. As an aphorism, it only makes sense in hindsight – after you’ve managed to crawl from the wreckage of whatever calamity that God/the universe decided to toss your way. No one ever uses it to comfort someone who’s been hit by a bus or turned into a puddle of goo by flesh-eating bacteria (although in the right circumstance, that could be a hoot).
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Another thing I hear a lot is, “this too shall pass.” Again, I know these are words meant to reassure, but somehow they always leave me feeling that heartbreak, rage and grief are going to come shooting out of me like kidney stones through an inflamed urethra. For someone in crisis, I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of reality would be, “Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe is determined to kill you by whatever means necessary.” Consider trying that next time you’re called on to do some consoling. If you’re feeling impish, you might also try, “According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you’re having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon.”