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Brad And Angelina Are Engaged. It’s Okay Not To Care – But Check Out The Jeweler’s HILARIOUS Statement.

Okay, now you know. Next, let’s break down the RIDICULOUS statement issued by the jeweler describing the YEAR LONG collaboration with Brad on creating the perfect ring. Have wine handy, you’ll need it.

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Today, it got out that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie MIGHT be engaged. (it was later confirmed.) Of course, it went gangbusters on the enterainment websites, because this is to them what a foreign adversary launching a missile might be to CNN. But my response? “Um, okay.” Mind you, POP is also an entertainment website, so we recognize that we have to acknowledge certain things, and this is it. The possible engagement of Brad and Angelina is hereby acknowledged. But when you read the statement issued by the ring’s designer, you’ll have to fight off the urge to roll your eyes directly into the back of your head.

To me, learning that Brad and Angelina are engaged is just like learning someone in your office that you don’t know or ever have the circumstances to speak to is engaged. It’s okay to know, so you are up on what’s going on in the office, but you probably don’t care.

Before the confirmation, this is what was out there: Jolie was spotted wearing a massive diamond on her ring finger while at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. (A nice and obvious place to be spotted without having a red carpet reported hounding you. That’s it, let the paparazzi catch it first!) Secondly, the designer of the ring, recognizing some PR potential (after all, he’s not a fool), has confirmed that it is, indeed, an engagement ring.

According to E! Online, the jeweler is Robert Procop. His rep (yes, the jeweler has a rep) says via a written statment (that’s right, they apparently didn’t have time to actually SAY this stuff):

“Brad had a specific vision for this ring, which he realized over a yearlong collaboration with Robert.”

A yearlong collaboration? What do you say over a year of collaborating? “I want it big… and shiny…. no, SHINIER!”

The rep continues:

“He wanted every aspect of it to be perfect, so Robert was able to locate a diamond of the finest quality and cut it to an exact custom size and shape to suit Angelina’s hand.

Um, what? Does Jolie have some crazy man-hands, or talons that will make it necessary to customize a ring that won’t accentuate the freaky nature of those hands? Imagine those poor diamond searchers, hunting high and low for the perfect diamond to compliment those special Angelina Jolie hands! Then, finally someone found the PERFECT diamond. (Both the stone and the finder are now referred to as ‘the chosen one.’) And it was time to begin the next stage of the ring’s preparation.

OH YES.. the statement goes on:

“…Brad was always heavily involved, overseeing every aspect of the creative design evolution. “

I can only assume this means that  Brad quietly crept to her bedside, a pail of plaster-of-paris by his side, to delicately create a mold of her near-perfect left hand. Then, in conversations with the jeweler under the cover of night, he would implore: “That’s still not big and shiny enough! Dammit, those jewels aren’t cradling the finger in the most exquisite way quite yet! Let’s keep working on this for a few more months until you get it right!”

Did I mention there is MORE to the statement?”:

“…The side diamonds are specialty cut to encircle her finger. Each diamond is of the highest gem quality.”

Again, certainly Jolie must have unique fingers, to which encircling would require a special cut, so as not to overemphasize their girth, instead showcasing their individual, cylindrical beauty, casting light on the knuckle in a manner remiscient of the setting sun.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at all the fuss. We live in the world of overselling things. I’ve seen dessert menus that actually rival this level of poetic elaboration when describing a chocolate layer cake. But sometimes I just can’t believe that people care THIS much about them MAYBE being engaged. That’s right. Maybe. We don’t know if they’re ACTUALLY engaged yet. They themselves haven’t confirmed it.

Sometimes I wonder if Brad and Angelina don’t feel exactly the same way. I mean, they probably can rationalize to themselves that they don’t understand why people (or the media, better yet) care so much, but deep down somewhere they really want us to care, because it’s a reflection of their popularity. When we stop caring, there’s gonna be trouble. That’s when they’ll start running around with even BIGGER rings on.

Mind you, the third party who has to deal with all this ‘much ado about something that’s close to nothing’ is Jennifer Aniston, who is SO over the Brad and Angelina conversation by now that she’s sick of the names themselves. But, of course, the next time she’s starring in a movie, there will be the inevitable interview by a writer who feels compelled to ask that same question she’s been asked countless times before, in the interest of having a magazine cover subtitle. Is she over Brad? I’m guessing yes, she is… and even more than that, she is over being asked about Brad.

So now, via Brad Pitt’s camp: “Yes, it’s confirmed. It is a promise for the future and their kids are very happy. There’s no date set at this time.”

And with that, have a great weekend!

For more entertainment news and commentary, follow @BrianBalthazar on twitter!

Celebrities

Watching Mayim Bialik Learn TikTok Dances Is Pure Joy

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It is so fun watching this mom’s viral dance moves blossom.

Nowadays you can’t go on social media without being introduced to some new viral dance craze and I am only salty about it because I was given the curse of two left feet. Once in awhile, however, I come across a video so entertaining that me and my sense of incoordination can’t help but to put our jealousy aside and let the amusement take over. And that has happened with Mayim Bialik’s latest post on her YouTube channel.

While we know the actress from her charmingly quirky roles in the hit tv shows Blossom and The Big Bang Theory, Bialik spends her days like most moms just trying to keep up with the latest trends that have her children so captivated. In her video entitled “My Son Teaches Me TikTok Dances” the mom of 2 makes it her mission to learn some of the viral dances sweeping the popular app from her teenage son. Bialik starts the video by calling the app “Tik-Toke” so you know we are in for a treat. The Ph.D (yes she has a Ph.D in neuroscience) then describes Tik Tok as being “impossible” to explain only for her son to quickly inform her that this is a very simple explanation of how the app works. It’s going well. Oh and Bialik is wearing a Pokémon t-shirt throughout the entire video…which should automatically make her TikTok famous imo.

Rather than just join the app and potentially humiliate herself and become a meme, Bialik decided to post her dance attempts to her own channel. Who would dare meme this queen!? The tv star then goes onto learn and demonstrate some of the most viral videos we’ve seen recently such as “The Renegade” and “Say So.” The video will keep a smile on your face for the entire 10+ minutes and is definitely worth sharing. We need all the good vibes we can get nowadays and trust me they don’t get much better than this!

Check out the charmingly quirky video below!

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Celebrities

You Can Now Purchase An Official Big Cat Rescue Mask From Carole Baskin

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More like Carole Maskin’.

Are you a cool cat? More of a kitten? Either way, you can now jump on the Tiger King craze and purchase an OFFICIAL Big Cat Rescue mask for yourself. Carole Baskin and her big cat organization took to Facebook over the weekend to promote their newest bit of merchandise. Capitalizing on the pandemic-induced need for masks, the Netflix star boasts two different color options available for purchase. For just $11 (before tax and shipping) you can choose between a black or leopard print mask emblazoned with Carole’s favorite tag line, “Hey all you cool cats and kittens.” Truly a steal for anyone obsessed with the buzz worthy docu-series.

In case you’ve forgotten, Carole is the arch enemy to Joe Exotic as portrayed in the Netflix docu-series Tiger King. She’s been making headlines lately as the series has launched renewed interest in the “disappearance” of her second husband. After watching the series, fans began speculating that Carole’s ex-husband didn’t disappear, rather that she murdered him. Just this week, reports were made that the signature on her ex-husband’s last will and testament may have been forged. Because of all these allegations, the case of Carole’s missing husband has been officially reopened.

But all that’s neither here nor there because there are adorable, trendy masks for sale! If you would like to jump on the craze and snag a mask for yourself, check out the post below!

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Broadway

Lin-Manuel Miranda Just Shared The Original Demo For ‘Moana’ Hit Song And It Features A Big ‘Hamilton’ Star!

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Another gem from the wonderful world of Miranda.

If there are two things musical lovers are forever grateful for it’s Disney and Lin-Manuel Miranda.

Disney scooped up Miranda to write songs for the 2016 hit film Moana which told the story of a young princess chosen by the ocean to reunite an ancient relic with a powerful goddess. Unsurprisingly, the film’s standout song “How Far I’ll Go” won the Oscar for “Best Original Song” because everything Miranda touches turns to gold. What’s even more exciting than the award winning content Miranda creates, however, is the glimpses into the creative process he often shares with fans. After Hamilton became a smash hit, Miranda shared countless original demos and compositions of songs from the musical just to show fans the growth of his creativity. Well, moments ago Miranda took to Twitter to once again give us a peek into his process but this time it’s for the hit Disney film.

While Hamilton was still in it’s pre-Broadway run, Miranda was writing songs for Disney. He enlisted the help of his costar Phillipa Soo, the original Eliza Schuyler, to record the demo for “How Far I’ll Go” from their dressing room at the Public Theater. Finally after all these years, Miranda has decided to share the demo with us and it’s enough to make any theater geek freak out! In his tweet he apologizes for making the demo so “high” but applauds Soo because she “can sing ANYTHING.” And by the sound of this demo she really can!

Check out some Disney magic…or Miranda magic…or both(?) by listening to the original demo below!

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