Bork, Bork, Bork?!

If you haven’t taken the time to check out the new Disney+ series Muppets Now, stop reading and start streaming! The improv sitcom is an unscripted, segmented series in which our favorite fur-covered friends put together a digital show. Think The Muppet Show meets millennials. I watched the first episode, which became available for streaming as of July 31st, and I smiled through the entire thirty minutes. It’s cute and campy and reminds us all why we love The Muppets so much. I was enjoying the childhood nostalgia of seeing Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy and the rest of the gang when suddenly our favorite gibberish-spewing chef came on the screen to partake in a cooking challenge. Of course I was prepared to giggle at the Swedish Chef’s horrendous attempt at cooking but I was immediately distracted and could only focus on one shocking detail!

Credit: Muppets Now

Did you see it? Can you see what I was distracted by?! The stached Swede is wearing a wedding ring on his left hand! The Swedish Chef is married?!?!

Credit: Muppets Now

I mean, sure, it’s not surprising with the sexy foreign accent and killer eyebrows but still, I would have never guessed the chef had someone waiting at home for him! Since the chef is one of the few Muppets to actually feature human hands, I first thought the ring might have belonged to a neglectful puppeteer who forgot to take off their ring. But I did a quick Wikipedia search and apparently the Swedish Chef has been donning the gold ring since 2010 and is known to be married!

I guess there truly is a lid for every pot.

Muppets Now is now available for streaming on Disney+.

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Who would have asparaguessed?

Over the weekend, photos of a giant asparagus plant began circulating Twitter with many users stunned to learn that the plant can grow to be the size of a small tree. I was one of those users because I’ve never seen an asparagus stem longer than a fork…I’ve never seen a bunch that wasn’t ridiculously overpriced either, might I add. The sad reality is that most of us eat things everyday with absolutely no idea as to how they are  grown and farmed. I can honestly say I was always more preoccupied by the thought of the funny smelling, post-asparagus-eating pee that it never occurred to me that these plants could become overgrown. And overgrown is a bit of an overstatement.

Credit: Twitter @girlfr0g

The stem in the picture looks to be over 8 feet tall. My pee would smell funny for a whole year after eating that. The photos have sparked a debate on Twitter with some saying the plants showcased are not asparagus but agave plants instead. While asparagus stems can grow to be about 5 feet tall, agave plants can grow much taller and even bloom flowers. I have zero interest in horticulture but plenty of interest in what’s funny so I just collected a few of the funniest reactions to the asparagus/agave photo here:

pic.twitter.com/LhEbnDyZo3

— phil (@advicefromphil) July 25, 2020

when it's asparagus season pic.twitter.com/4pWg9WkcHj

— marsh of sleep (@marshofsleep) July 25, 2020

Me planting asparagus in my backyard to to see how tall it gets pic.twitter.com/hNRi0bbPa0

— Dolores Ball (@sauce4urawesome) July 25, 2020

It gonna be the asparagus from kids next door episode pic.twitter.com/J33pPom6Jc

— fred die (@freddie_hatch) July 25, 2020

Idk why this information is stressing me out but it is pic.twitter.com/z79UFZqOjn

— MaliTheeFeminist (@SomaliaGeorge) July 25, 2020

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These “Karens” are workin’ 9 to 5 on our last nerve.

By now you probably know that the term “Karen” is typically reserved for white women who throw tantrums over things that don’t really require tantrum throwing. Amid the coronavirus pandemic, the “Karens” have been especially vocal about not wanting to wear a mask usually citing constitutional freedom as the reason. Over the passed few weeks we have seen headlines about these women coughing on pro-maskers, verbally assaulting eye witnesses and even destroying property all to prove the point that they can and will do whatever they want. It’s annoying. Well, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert took the these suburban lemons and turned them into a hilarious pitcher of lemonade with a parody of the Dolly Parton classic “Jolene,” appropriately renamed “Karen.”

The PSA begins with actual news footage covering the stories of anti-maskers before cutting to a vintage clip of Parton in a pink jumpsuit with an anonymous singer belting out the altered lyrics which poke fun at all the angry scene makers. “You go on rants at Trader Joe’s, sit on the ground at the Costco, say wearing masks is the devil’s law,” the unseen singer croons. “Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, please just wear a mask you big dumbass” she continues to implore.

Like all good satire, the video is hilarious but also contains an important message. The CDC as well as countless medical professionals have all agreed that wearing a mask is the best way to prevent the spread of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.

Wear a mask! And check out the funny video below!

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