Dancing With The Stars Week 3 more like Junior Prom

dwtsAh, Prom Night. That magical, mythical rite of passage. At my senior prom, I was involved in a strictly G-rated girl fight after I danced with someone else’s date. It was nothing more than a glorified shoving match, but by Monday morning there was a terrific scandal at school. Rumors swirled that one of us had a black eye, and the other one had a broken nose. No actual blood was shed, nor were any Gunne Sax gowns torn asunder, but it was still more exciting than the DWTS version of “Prom Night.”

Last night’s show kind of just laid there, like a limp corsage.

There were solid performances by Kellie, Zendaya, and Aly, and a bright spot when Victor and Lindsay performed a surprisingly tender and beautiful contemporary routine. But for the most part, it was all balloons and no Boone’s Farm, if you know what I mean.

Dance of the Night: Jacoby and Karina’s rumba. Holy cow, that was good. All three judges praised Jacoby for his artistry, wonderful extension, and refinement. And hello? It was hot. See for yourself:

E for Effort: Can I get a big ole “bless his heart” for Andy Dick? Last week he made progress with a demented but endearing jazz routine to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.” This week, the cha cha proved challenging for him, and he was not quite as successful. Carrie Ann’s encouraging words were, “The only way you win is to try, and you try with your whole heart and soul.” Even the oft-curmudgeonly Len showed a soft spot for Andy, saying, “You make me feel good.” I want to see this underdog hang in there for many more weeks to come.

Ain’t no slam like a Len Goodman slam: “If you’re a sex machine, I’m America’s Next Top Model.” This, after D.L. Hughley’s poor excuse for a salsa to the James Brown tune of the same name. Personally, I have seen worse dancers on this show, but D.L.’s performances are hard to watch mainly because they are joyless. Please America, put us both out of our misery.

Why, oh Wy? Why won’t Wynonna try? Performance is everything. Enthusiasm and determination go a long way, even when the execution of steps is lacking. She’s not a bad dancer by any means, but something is keeping her from cutting loose. I’d really like to see her break through that wall of reserve and just go all out. Doesn’t she know the fans are ready to embrace her, no matter what? Don’t ya think it’s time… don’t ya think it’s time?

The Gleb-ness of it all: “You look like a dancer when you don’t move.” Gleb, to his partner, Lisa Vanderpump. Hilarious.

High score: 25, Kellie and Derek
Low score: 15, Wynonna and Tony

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