FUNNY: The Jokes From The Upcoming Bruce Willis Roast Will Make You Die(hard) Laughing

Pig roast. A roasted chicken. Roasting marshmallows. There isn’t a roast related activity that I am not a fan of. My absolute favorite roast, however, has to be a comedy roast of one of hollywood’s elite. On July 29th, it will be Bruce Willis’ turn on the spit.

In the past we have seen Comedy Central present some iconic roast moments. Who could forget when Martha Stewart proved she had more street cred than Justin Bieber could ever hope for? Or when Jewel put that angelic voice to comedic use and sang the most epic of burns to Rob Lowe? Well it seems like the latest roast will provide some more legendary moments.

Stewart returns to take a jab at the action star’s marriage, commenting on the 23 year age difference between he and his wife:

“Bruce and I live in the same town of Bedford. He has a beautiful house and the interior design is amazing. He wanted everything inside to look mid-century modern, except his new wife.”

Roast master and host, Jeff Ross, delivers one of my favorite one liners of the event with:

“I can’t wait to see your next project, ‘Die Hard 6: Natural Causes.'”

The most scalding burns of the night, however, come from ex wife Demi Moore. She turned all those years of relationship ups and downs into sheer comedic brilliance:

“I look at our marriage like ‘The Sixth Sense. You were dead the whole time.”

“I was married to Bruce for the first three ‘Die Hard’ movies, which makes sense because the last two sucked.”

“Bruce considered the end of our marriage his biggest failure. Bruce, don’t be so hard on yourself, you had much bigger failures. ‘Planet Hollywood,’ ‘Hudson Hawk’ … campaigning for Michael Dukakis, turning down Clooney’s role in ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ to focus on playing the harmonica.”

Oooooooooh this roast is going to be hot! I love the jokes and I love the intent of these events. Sure some harsh jabs are thrown, but it is a bonafide way to assure you have left your mark in show biz.

The Roast Of Bruce Willis airs on July 29th on Comedy Central. To get a glimpse of the giggles, take a look at the clip below!


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