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DWTS All-star Season 15 Premiere Features Best of the Best

The 15th season of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars kicked off with a predictable start last night, full of familiar faces and fan favorites.

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The 15th season of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars kicked off with a predictable start last night, full of familiar faces and fan favorites. Predictable in a good way, since the all-star cast is populated with former winners and high-ranking finalists from seasons past. We expected to see some quality dancing from the get-go, and that’s just what happened.

Missing was the almost manic level of excitement you typically get from a brand-new cast of stars, whose collective nervous energy drives the first episode. The absence of a loveable “class clown” also means there’s no built-in comic relief ahead. Instead, viewers are going to witness a higher level of competition than ever before, with lots of neck-and-neck performances.

With contestants so evenly matched, how will the judges differentiate between them? Enter the half-point scoring system. This should ensure a lot of nit-picking from all three, and even more audience booing for Len than usual. The pros’ skills as choreographers will be key going forward, as they will need to continually challenge their partners in terms of difficulty and precision. Every week, it’s going to be all about the “wow” factor to win those crucial viewer votes.

Dance of the night: Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke’s cha-cha-cha to “Chain of Fools.” The couple won the mirror ball trophy together in Season 3, and that partnership should allow them to go from strength to strength in the coming weeks. And let’s face it, people, the man is just smooth. He made some very exacting footwork look effortless, and had fun in the process. As Len said, “you can’t teach flair.” Emmitt just has it in spades. This performance landed Emmitt and Cheryl at the top of the leader board with a score of 24.5.

One to watch: Sabrina Bryan. Despite being one of the strongest dancers, she was eliminated in Week 6 of her original season, much to the dismay and surprise of the judges and fans alike. In a recent viewers’ vote, she won out over former contestants Carson Kressley and Kyle Massey, to take the 13th slot in this season’s cast. With new partner Louis Van Amstel, this former Cheetah Girl has something to prove, and the chops to go all the way. Their cha-cha-cha (“That’s What Makes You Beautiful”) brought in a solid score of 22.5, the third highest of the night.

Who’s in trouble: Pamela Anderson. Bless her heart. Amy Winehouse’s “You Know That I’m No Good” proved sadly prophetic as a song choice for her cha-cha-cha with partner Tristan MacManus. Unsure on her feet during her dance, the look on her face was a cross between “I’m scared,” and “I’m sorry for screwing this up, Tristan.” Bruno admonished her that she has to “put in the work,” but with the night’s low score of 17, I doubt she’ll get the chance.
Best moment: Kirstie Alley lays a lengthy liplock on host Tom Bergeron, ostensibly as congratulations for his Emmy win on Sunday night. I’m sure it made a nice change from the usual goose he gets from Maks every week.

Quotable quote: “I want to see firm but not rigid.” – Carrie Ann Inaba to Drew Lachey, regarding his shoulders. (But I reserve the right to use this later on in regards to anything to do with Derek Hough.)

Scores:
24.5 Emmitt & Cheryl
24 Gilles & Peta
22.5 Sabrina & Louis
22 Shawn & Derek
22 Apolo & Karina
21.5 Helio & Chelsie
21.5 Drew & Anna
21.5 Kelly & Val
21 Melissa & Tony
20.5 Joey & Kym
19.5 Bristol & Mark
19 Kirstie & Maks
17 Pamela & Tristan

First elimination tonight, 8 PM on ABC.

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Disney+ Series ‘Muppets Now’ Reveals Shocking Detail About The Swedish Chef

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Bork, Bork, Bork?!

If you haven’t taken the time to check out the new Disney+ series Muppets Now, stop reading and start streaming! The improv sitcom is an unscripted, segmented series in which our favorite fur-covered friends put together a digital show. Think The Muppet Show meets millennials. I watched the first episode, which became available for streaming as of July 31st, and I smiled through the entire thirty minutes. It’s cute and campy and reminds us all why we love The Muppets so much. I was enjoying the childhood nostalgia of seeing Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy and the rest of the gang when suddenly our favorite gibberish-spewing chef came on the screen to partake in a cooking challenge. Of course I was prepared to giggle at the Swedish Chef’s horrendous attempt at cooking but I was immediately distracted and could only focus on one shocking detail!

Credit: Muppets Now

Did you see it? Can you see what I was distracted by?! The stached Swede is wearing a wedding ring on his left hand! The Swedish Chef is married?!?!

Credit: Muppets Now

I mean, sure, it’s not surprising with the sexy foreign accent and killer eyebrows but still, I would have never guessed the chef had someone waiting at home for him! Since the chef is one of the few Muppets to actually feature human hands, I first thought the ring might have belonged to a neglectful puppeteer who forgot to take off their ring. But I did a quick Wikipedia search and apparently the Swedish Chef has been donning the gold ring since 2010 and is known to be married!

I guess there truly is a lid for every pot.

Muppets Now is now available for streaming on Disney+.

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Giant Asparagus Stalk Causes Quite The Stir On Social Media

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Who would have asparaguessed?

Over the weekend, photos of a giant asparagus plant began circulating Twitter with many users stunned to learn that the plant can grow to be the size of a small tree. I was one of those users because I’ve never seen an asparagus stem longer than a fork…I’ve never seen a bunch that wasn’t ridiculously overpriced either, might I add. The sad reality is that most of us eat things everyday with absolutely no idea as to how they are  grown and farmed. I can honestly say I was always more preoccupied by the thought of the funny smelling, post-asparagus-eating pee that it never occurred to me that these plants could become overgrown. And overgrown is a bit of an overstatement.

Credit: Twitter @girlfr0g

The stem in the picture looks to be over 8 feet tall. My pee would smell funny for a whole year after eating that. The photos have sparked a debate on Twitter with some saying the plants showcased are not asparagus but agave plants instead. While asparagus stems can grow to be about 5 feet tall, agave plants can grow much taller and even bloom flowers. I have zero interest in horticulture but plenty of interest in what’s funny so I just collected a few of the funniest reactions to the asparagus/agave photo here:

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‘The Late Show With Stephen Colbert’ Parodied Dolly Parton To Create A Theme Song For All The ‘Karen’s’ Out There

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These “Karens” are workin’ 9 to 5 on our last nerve.

By now you probably know that the term “Karen” is typically reserved for white women who throw tantrums over things that don’t really require tantrum throwing. Amid the coronavirus pandemic, the “Karens” have been especially vocal about not wanting to wear a mask usually citing constitutional freedom as the reason. Over the passed few weeks we have seen headlines about these women coughing on pro-maskers, verbally assaulting eye witnesses and even destroying property all to prove the point that they can and will do whatever they want. It’s annoying. Well, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert took the these suburban lemons and turned them into a hilarious pitcher of lemonade with a parody of the Dolly Parton classic “Jolene,” appropriately renamed “Karen.”

The PSA begins with actual news footage covering the stories of anti-maskers before cutting to a vintage clip of Parton in a pink jumpsuit with an anonymous singer belting out the altered lyrics which poke fun at all the angry scene makers. “You go on rants at Trader Joe’s, sit on the ground at the Costco, say wearing masks is the devil’s law,” the unseen singer croons. “Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, please just wear a mask you big dumbass” she continues to implore.

Like all good satire, the video is hilarious but also contains an important message. The CDC as well as countless medical professionals have all agreed that wearing a mask is the best way to prevent the spread of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.

Wear a mask! And check out the funny video below!

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