As the story of Patricia Krentcil (the mom who allegedly took her five year old tanning… and has a liiiiiiiitttttttle tanning problem herself) becomes a tv and web phenomenon, here’s a look at five things that she could easily camouflage with or portray on television and or silver screen.

For the record, I don’t generally enjoy being snarky – but I’m far from alone in thinking she’s gone off the deep end into Tannersville. She doesn’t understand how this is happening to her other than to say(according to TMZ): “There’s somebody out there for my whole life that doesn’t like me because they are jealous, fat and they’re ugly.” Charming.

Some of these ideas came at the recommendation of PGTW visitors and friends! If this serves as a rock bottom moment for her to go set some help, so be it.

So here she is – “Tanning Mom” as…

…a quirky, all-knowing, advice giving talking tree.

…orange muppet

…oompa loompa.

…as catcher’s mitt.

Magda from There’s Something About Mary…

… as a toasted marshmallow. The flavor is locked in!!

Better yet…

Fruit leather… (this took 30 seconds to do)

As an apparition in a bell pepper…

…and perhaps as the Heat Miser…

We will resume being nice people tomorrow morning.

For more ridiculousness, follow @BrianBalthazar on twitter!!!